Chinks and Chasms
I'm in Coos Bay (the place I was born and grown for 18 years) for the week just to get away and have some time to think and organize and just prepare for my upcoming adventure a bit. I have changed the departure date to sometime around October 23rd. I need the extra time to prepare. It's good to be home, in a small town, where the flow of life is simple and slow. Everything is so much more easily put into perspective when I'm here.
Last night I spent four hours on my own, music loud, baking numerous loaves of pumpkin chocolate chip bread, and creating a masterpiece dinner. I made home-made pasta filled with mascarpone and ricotta topped with a scallion/mushroom sauce and lemon and parmesan... it was delicious! It felt good to pour myself into creating something and working with my hands, giving my mind a chance to rest and just do something I love.
This morning, I took the chance to journal all of thoughts out and really evaluate where I'm at with my trip to Turkey over a cup of coffee. Here is some of what I wrote....
"I feel as if I have fallen into a chasm, a wormhole, a crack in the wall. I've entered into this amazing experience that I didn't even go looking for- it just dropped into my lap through the form of a friend telling me to read about his missionary friends in Turkey. I know that since then, God has asked me to walk with Him, and try the teaching thing in Turkey. He has really opened my closed and fearful heart to the notion of Helping and serving these missionary families for a year. I feel as if He's prepared the way by giving me a great baseline of experiences in travel, language learning, and teaching/ There are some wonderful girls there that I can live with and a definite, encouraging community of Americans that know God that I can be a part of. The Lord has really given me confidence that the baseline necessities are there. My Heavenly Father has answered my heart's desire with this opportunity by offering me an adventure, families to serve and glean from, a safe place surrounded by people I can learn more about God from, with the opportunity to have some great mentors. I have the chance to be a part of something HUGE, that's bigger than me, it's important, it's epic. I have the choice in front of me to step out of the rut and be challenged. Heart, mind, and body.
Alas, there are some substantial obstacles that I face that I knew I would... good things never come easy.
1. I have a lot of money to trust the Lord in bringing in. I'm not exactly sure how that is going to happen. I'm trying to take every opportunity I get to share and do what I can. I wait in hope and anticipation to see how this will happen.
The other concerns are smaller and will work themselves out such as learning Turkish- I fear it will take me quite some time to learn- it's very different than any language I know. Also, the culture- I think I will feel like quite a foreigner- it's such a different place than any other I've encountered- i will have a ton to learn! Meeting people and interacting- I wish it wouldn't be soo hard, but I fear it will be much more difficult even than when I went to Mozambique.
I really desire goodness in life. Wealth of life- not as the world defines it, but as God does. I'm not afraid of the challenge I face or a little treachery. I know that with the greatest things and endeavors inherently come a bit of risk and cost. But it's worth it to encounter greatness. I never want to settle for less.
In the face of this great new adventure, I find myself evaluating much. The vision, the cost, what's worth it, fear, greatness...
God's amazing faithfulness.... The definition of Faith.... "For faith is the substance of things hoped for... the evidence of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1. And when people step out in this faith according to God's purposes.. I know this is precious to the heart of God."
Have a great day- thanks for reading!
Last night I spent four hours on my own, music loud, baking numerous loaves of pumpkin chocolate chip bread, and creating a masterpiece dinner. I made home-made pasta filled with mascarpone and ricotta topped with a scallion/mushroom sauce and lemon and parmesan... it was delicious! It felt good to pour myself into creating something and working with my hands, giving my mind a chance to rest and just do something I love.
This morning, I took the chance to journal all of thoughts out and really evaluate where I'm at with my trip to Turkey over a cup of coffee. Here is some of what I wrote....
"I feel as if I have fallen into a chasm, a wormhole, a crack in the wall. I've entered into this amazing experience that I didn't even go looking for- it just dropped into my lap through the form of a friend telling me to read about his missionary friends in Turkey. I know that since then, God has asked me to walk with Him, and try the teaching thing in Turkey. He has really opened my closed and fearful heart to the notion of Helping and serving these missionary families for a year. I feel as if He's prepared the way by giving me a great baseline of experiences in travel, language learning, and teaching/ There are some wonderful girls there that I can live with and a definite, encouraging community of Americans that know God that I can be a part of. The Lord has really given me confidence that the baseline necessities are there. My Heavenly Father has answered my heart's desire with this opportunity by offering me an adventure, families to serve and glean from, a safe place surrounded by people I can learn more about God from, with the opportunity to have some great mentors. I have the chance to be a part of something HUGE, that's bigger than me, it's important, it's epic. I have the choice in front of me to step out of the rut and be challenged. Heart, mind, and body.
Alas, there are some substantial obstacles that I face that I knew I would... good things never come easy.
1. I have a lot of money to trust the Lord in bringing in. I'm not exactly sure how that is going to happen. I'm trying to take every opportunity I get to share and do what I can. I wait in hope and anticipation to see how this will happen.
The other concerns are smaller and will work themselves out such as learning Turkish- I fear it will take me quite some time to learn- it's very different than any language I know. Also, the culture- I think I will feel like quite a foreigner- it's such a different place than any other I've encountered- i will have a ton to learn! Meeting people and interacting- I wish it wouldn't be soo hard, but I fear it will be much more difficult even than when I went to Mozambique.
I really desire goodness in life. Wealth of life- not as the world defines it, but as God does. I'm not afraid of the challenge I face or a little treachery. I know that with the greatest things and endeavors inherently come a bit of risk and cost. But it's worth it to encounter greatness. I never want to settle for less.
In the face of this great new adventure, I find myself evaluating much. The vision, the cost, what's worth it, fear, greatness...
God's amazing faithfulness.... The definition of Faith.... "For faith is the substance of things hoped for... the evidence of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1. And when people step out in this faith according to God's purposes.. I know this is precious to the heart of God."
Have a great day- thanks for reading!
posted by Ashley at 12:32 PM
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